


as one closes

by blue_roses



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Reverse Chronology, developing to established, the norm 4 me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8771266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_roses/pseuds/blue_roses
Summary: it's been so much in so little.(reverse chronology, relationship introspection)





	

**Author's Note:**

> i tried a thing fic authors do and i have No Idea if its decent save me

X: They have been able to say they’re in love for a while now, Victor thinks. But he’ll never tire of saying it. To himself, out loud, it all serves as confirmation that this is all  _ real _ . He’s been able to love for these past few months, fortune was kind to him the moment the shell he was wrapped himself in Yuuri's world and became whole. 

 “Whole” being a complicated concept. At the time, Victor knew he was a person. He’d seen himself in the mirror, in the media, through others’ eyes. A rival, an idol, a figure, but never a friend. Yakov being his one human exception. If he was being honest, there was no way he’d talk to Yakov about being gay, or what to do when your first hookup goes wrong, and what to do when you’re scared out of your wits your secret would come up. He was lost, hopeless, and in the public’s eye, doing just fine. 

 In conclusion: Victor made it “open”, because he had nothing to live for except himself. And that was empty, when he looks back on it. He doesn’t want to think about when things changed, it was a slow creeping sensation, where parasites latched onto a working, working host. Before he knew it, Victor had nothing substantial except his coach and his dog. He didn’t mind, until a viral video punched him in the gut and he uprooted the little bits of life he had left into something new. 

  Therefore: with Victor’s lack of ability to truly connect, and Yuuri’s way of meeting his inadequacies with an enthusiasm Victor hadn’t had in too long, things changed. Victor didn’t realize how much he was changing until touch became normal, until Yuuri opened himself up slowly. Victor felt a need to do the same, but he knew it was an emptiness not even he could bear at times. 

   Because of this: Victor had Thoughts and Ideas he didn’t share, because they all amounted to something he hadn’t figured out yet. After the first hug, he upped the ante, he wanted to see how far he could go. Yuuri took it in stride for the most part, and gaps closed, and Victor slipped himself in Yuuri’s room one night and never wanted to sleep without him. To Victor’s credit, he did hold back a bit after that.

   As a result: Yuuri allowed himself to find a home in Victor’s room, temporarily of course. Makkachin was a big fan of this new development, and his puppy dogs worked much better than Victor’s own. He was a little jealous, if he wanted to admit that to himself. There were the times when Yuuri tangled his spirit into Victor, and there was a knot between his heart and his lung he didn't dare untangle. 

   Consequently: the string became stems, the knots seeds, and Yuuri’s spirit  _ bloomed  _ within him. He should have expected it, but he didn’t, once again. Yuuri was beautiful, in the costume, in practice, when he was dreaming about strange things. Victor had heard  _ slime tiger  _ and  _ tempura slime  _ one too many times and graciously tuned out of Yuuri’s sleep talk. Victor did not think about what this meant, because he wasn’t ready for it. Because for all his talk, he didn’t know how real intimacy worked. 

   In spite of: what? His lacking? His professionalism that moved closer to what he actually wanted? Victor didn’t know, but he was falling. Then he sunk into it, he loved Yuuri. So he’d do what he felt he needed, because it was the simplest thing to do. 

   Yet: because his needs didn’t match Yuuri’s, he screwed up. Fucked up, let it happen eventually because it was bound too. Then he was accepted, and loved from there. He wished he could make up something more poetic, but it just  _ was  _ and he let it be. Let himself be comforted and comfort. It would take time for him to give himself, but he’d try and try again until Yuuri got everything he deserved from Victor. That was simply the least Victor could do.

  Now, they are in love and ready to face the world. They’ll make its rotations wrap around ankles, in their control, and Yuuri will make music out of his love. They are in love and ready to face the world, and Victor has never been happier.

 

IX:   Victor, contrary to the public belief, is used to fucking up. He manages to outdo himself in some mistake more often than he should at his age, so he finds no insult when someone digs deep enough to tell him how it is. However, Victor is careful enough not to royally fuck up, it’s part of his structure, one he’s managed to keep together relatively undisturbed. 

  Of course, Yuuri shook his world. Victor couldn’t even keep track of the effects, and he found himself scrambling, picking up after his own mistakes quicker than before. Above all, he wanted to serve Yuuri as a good coach, to prove to Yuuri, and maybe the world, that Victor made the right choice. Then, within the one month, Victor royally fucks up. Twice.      
  The first was when he made Yuuri cry, when for two seconds, he thought breaking Yuuri’s heart was an  _ actual  _ good idea. But Yuuri forgave him, and admitted later he’d had to do some internal trash talk to clear his head. 

  “Are you ready for me now?” Yuuri had asked. Twice, one in that context, another a few hours later, in very different circumstances. There was no way Victor would say anything but a wholehearted  _ yes _ . 

  The second, Victor thinks, is not preparing a birthday present for Yuuri ahead of time. Not taking advantage of being so close to his family in friends. Asking his boyfriend, genuinely, what he wanted for his birthday, and  _ not  _ expecting anything coy. 

  “Just because you messed up once doesn’t mean you have to turn into a mind reader,” Yuuri’s clearly amused, the small smile on his face. Anyone who said Yuuri was clueless clearly didn’t ask him what he wanted for a present five or so minutes ago. 

  “Sure, sure,” Victor shakes his head, “I’d usually agree with you. But it’s your  _ birthday _ .”

  “And I’ll get my present in the Grand Prix final,” Yuuri smiles, “and maybe I can spare a day out of my busy schedule to spend with you.”

  “Will you really?” Victor asks. He feels more happy than coy, if he’s being honest with himself. So he emphasizes the coy. 

   “It’d be the best thing I could ask for,” Yuuri says, in complete earnest. At this point, who would they be if they didn’t take the day off. For themselves and each other. Victor finds the perfect present in a few minutes, just the right amount of sentimental for the two of them. He doesn’t know Yuuri will return the favor during his birthday, all he can do is anticipate the moment he has now. 

 

VII: “I’m nervous,” Yuuri says, “about this. I know you know. But I want to put it out there.” Yuuri’s crossed his legs Victor’s bed. Victor noticed his fidgeting ten minutes ago, but didn’t mention it for a short while until Yuuri brought it up himself. Yuuri, at this moment, knows what he wants and needs are. Victor has learned how to better respect that, so he waits. 

   “I mean,” Yuuri sighs, “I know--I mean I know we kissed in front of global cameras and we have always been affectionate but this feels different not a bad different but a good one but I read some of the tabloids because you know that’s what you do I don’t know how you stand it Victor but I did read them and I just don’t know what else to feel other than nervous.”

  “That’s okay,” Victor says, “what do you want to do? I’m not going to push this if you don’t want it to be. Statements can wait, I’m pretty good at stalling when I come down to it.” 

   “I don’t want that pressure on you,” Yuuri states, plain and simple, “so let’s figure it out together.”

   “Sounds great to me,” Victor takes Yuuri’s hand in his own, “we’re going in this together. All of it.” Neither of them feel a need to mention the airport promise, but it’s on their minds when planning leads to kisses leads to something more and all Victor can do is let it happen.

 

VI: Yuuri nods. Once, then twice. The second time was more likely to reassure himself than Victor, the latter knows that from experience. They’re linking hands like any movie couple, and they’re also figuring out the offscreen details of having sex. 

 Even with the difference in experience, Victor has no qualms admitting to himself at this point that he’s a nervous wreck. Victor knows Yuuri isn’t a blushing virgin, and he himself is far from it, but it’s different in a way he’s never felt before. He’s probably more anxious than Yuuri at this point, and that is beyond saying something. 

  “Are you scared?” Yuuri asks, “Do you want to talk to me?”

  “About what?” Victor asks. He doesn’t know how to communicate the fact that this is the first person he’s having sex with that he’s had a connection with, that he both loves and is in love with and he didn’t know the weight of everything until now. He’s more used to communicating through physicality, they both know this. 

  “Anything,” Yuuri says, “move with me and talk to me. I’m with you.”  _ God _ , if Yakov could see him now, the last performance would become a bullet on a list. But right now, the two of them are a lot of things, and coach and student are on the back burner. 

 Victor kisses Yuuri, and lets a world open for him. Slowly, with more patience than he’s used to. 

 

V: The first thing they do after everything is clarify that they’re okay. It’s the first time Victor has made Yuuri cry, and he never wants it to happen again. Yuuri shakes his head, and when Victor looks at him he wonders how much of Yuuri’s heart really is out of glass. He doesn’t know how much he was projecting until he thinks that, and Yuuri can probably see the guilt on his face because he kisses it away. 

  “You were frowning,” Yuuri smiles, “and I think only one of us needs to cry today.”

  “And are you okay with that?” Victor asks. 

  “Completely,” Yuuri says, “and I think Phichit will make up for it. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he cries after big achievements, after all the Instagram photos. Now, soon to be crying friend aside, can I just kiss you again?” 

  He blushes at his own assertiveness soon after, but it doesn’t stop him from taking the lead. Victor feels like a teenager all over again, especially when they’re interrupted by a phone call. A celebratory dinner that they should show up to a little more put together than this. They make sure to fix themselves up separately.

 

IV: “It’s about love.”

   “Hm?” Victor asks, “I had a feeling. Do you want to say more about it?”

   “Not really,” Yuuri says, “I just realized a few things were lost in translation.” 

   “Want to clarify?” this was less supportive and more curiosity. Victor only knew a couple of phrases in Japanese. English being their common tongue was convenient on a global scale, and Yuuri’s family and friends knew it as well, but the entire broadcast was in Japanese. Which made sense, of course, but Victor can’t help feeling he’d missed something. 

   “I think you’ll see,” Yuuri says. A breath of silence.

   “I think you’ll see,” Yuuri repeats. Victor knows he’ll have to listen more carefully than ever. 

 

III: Yuuri shows eros like honey if Victor’s being more sensual, like a flower if he’s being more sentimental. He says  _ watch me  _ in every action and they are moving towards something. Have been for a while now and Victor hasn’t quite caught up with the memo yet. 

He doesn’t mind this, of course, he knows as a coach, he has more things to focus on and more things to learn himself. He doesn’t think Yuuri, or anyone, has realized how much he’s invested and how little he actually knows at the same time. So he watches and teaches and waits for something he doesn’t know about yet. 

  Yuuri shows eros like an extension of his limbs, and Victor has a feeling that moment will be soon. 

 

II: It’d count as spontaneity if Victor had much to leave behind after watching the video. After listening to the music Yuuri Katsuki created. He took what was of value with him to Japan, let himself settle in for a moment before introducing himself. He heard scrambling, a strangled shout, and let himself relax.

  He can do this, because this is the beginning of the rest.

 

I: Victor asks if Yuuri wants a photo and sees heartbreak instead of the usual mix of emotions. He doesn’t know what to say. The day continues like any other.


End file.
